Monday, March 2, 2009

No Fear

Fear is a horrible motivator. We use fear to make things happen--to get our way. Parents count down the seconds until their child gets hammered on the butt for disobedience. Companies send out collection notices--"pay us, or else we'll screw up your life." A housing complex I once lived at posted a sign in their office: "The apartment that you looked and will go home and think about tomorrow will be signed and paid for by someone else today." So make a snap decision. Don't think or pray about it. Sign a year of your life away NOW because because you don't want to miss out on an opportunity. Be afraid so that we can collect rent for another unit.

Kill yourself to make good grades, because if you don't, you won't get into college. What about when you're in college? You better make good grades or else you won't get: a great internship, a scholarship, a good job. Run yourself into the ground for those grades or you'll end up selling insurance. You won't feel fulfilled, and no one will respect you.

What about finding a relationship? Cheers to the people who exercise in order to improve and maintain their health. Working out can be a wonderful, fulfilling activity. But, the masses? Our dating culture is about fear. You better be in shape or no one will love you. Or, to speak frankly, get ripped or you won't get laid. Women starve themselves, obsess about their bodies, go through numerous plastic surgeries that never end because they fear. "I'm afraid of being alone because I don't look perfect, so I'm going to change myself."

Fear is a horrible motivator.

A friend of mine always would remind me that we should all be running toward toward something, rather than always running away. We run away from the consequences of poor academic performance (no job, no scholarship, etc.). We operate on fear. What happens when we run toward the positive alternative? We fly.

If I want to learn everything there is about bookbinding or music (for example), I start living life. I read everything. I practice always. I take every opportunity to learn from those who are experienced in my craft. I do this because I really want to, not because I don't want a bad grade on a quiz.

I'm tired of being afraid.

Yesterday, I pulled out a DVD to watch after church--just to have something on while I was cleaning my room. V for Vendetta. I really don't know why I bought it. I think it was one of those previously viewed copies on the tables at Blockbuster. The deal was 4 for $25; I had three in my hand, and I needed a fourth.

In spite of all the blood, I had one of the most spiritual experiences watching that film. Everyone was afraid, so the corrupt government stepped in and controlled every aspect of their lives. No one dared to step out of line.

This character named "V" puts this girl through absolute hell. He simulates a torturous imprisonment. She has no idea it's not real, and she's ready to die rather than be made to fear. She's reborn.

I'd love for someone to put me through that same kind of crap just so that I'm not afraid. Instead, I have to do it for myself. If I'm afraid of failing, I just fail. Hit my head against that wall so that I can see what it is I'm afraid of.

In the end I want this:

...a definite turning point where the old life is washed away, and the new life is free from fear and full of choice.


Crystal said...

Fear is the path to the darkside. Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. -yoda

claybritton said...

There are so many things in store for you... your talent... your spirit... your kind heart...

I am excited about your passion for binding...

call when you can... :)